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Why being offended is causing most of our suffering

 It is a beautiful Friday in January.  The sun is shining and the chickens and ducks are all talking outside.  We had rain a few days ago so the gravel driveway has its low spots full of water, which the ducks love.  They swim in it as if it were their own special pond.  so fun to watch. I woke up this morning later than normal because Bruce and I watched TV until late in the evening, so he was already gone when I came into the kitchen to make my coffee, then I headed into the dining room to do my morning journaling.  We had gone to a doctors appointment yesterday and then went to visit one of our boys in his new apartment. I was writing about a family that I had the pleasure of speaking with in the waiting room of the office. It was a grandmother, her grandson and then her daughter walked in.  The grandmother was not feeling well and her age had made it very difficult for her to walk into the office without the help of her grandson.  I was watchi...
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DIVORCE AND MENTAL HEALTH

 It is a beautiful hot day outside.  Texas weather in the summers are not for the faint of heart, that's for sure.  But it is truly beautiful.  We've had a good amount of rain through June so the grass is still green, which doesn't usually happen by July.   I don't blog often.  I unintentionally hurt someones feelings with a blog post and I don't want to do that again so I am very nervous blogging about anything.  I created this blog page to try and heal myself and maybe help anyone else who might be going through the same circumstances.  I have depression that has been my constant companion for a good part of my life.   So most of my blog posts are my way of working through my depression.  I have a hard time feeling safe in many situations.  A good amount of that was because of how our home felt when I was young.  I had precious parents that weren't good at communication.  I don't think they knew how to be any o...
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Don't judge me

 I'm sitting on my front porch swing and it is a truly beautiful day.  The breeze is amazing and the sun is shinning.  I have the beauty of trees all around me and birds are singing.  Then, on occasion, I can hear a rooster crow or an egg song being sung.  At times you can hear the entire flock of chickens going off for some reason or another.  They cry wolf so often, to their own detriment, and when you run out to see what is wrong it can sometimes be a butterfly in their area flittering about.  So, at times we just get tired of going out, stay inside, only to find there was something actually wrong.   I am sometimes really hard on myself when it comes to the house and property.  I start to look at it with my mothers eyes and hear her telling me what a failure I am at keeping it nice.  I can hear my dad telling me to have Bruce fix this or that as if he is disgusted at us for letting it go.  Why do I do that to my self? Are my...
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PRETEND....

 I was dropping my husband off to get his car fixed and I was listening to news on my phone.  It was so funny to listen to all the man made drama almost like little boys playing divide and concur.  There was so much talk of running out of money for this and that and then some news about testing a new missile or something.  I was thinking how funny that was to say you have no money but then spend thousands or more on testing a new missile.  Then they had all this talk about the border and razor wire and keeping people out and I thought, "stay out of our sandbox!".  Boys playing with their toys and not wanting those other kids to play, as if they are bullies not wanting to share.  In the real world it is not play and there are many issues, but they ARE man made issues.  They are immature issues of people who refuse to be nice.  We don't want to see that.  We want to think these are all issues out of our control as if we don't contribute, b...
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Positive Mental Brain Work

 Oh the joy of blogging!   It is a beautiful Tuesday after noon.  The chickens are going off all around me and the chihuahua is doing his regular complaining because the temperature isn't within his degree of comfort and neither is his kennel inside.  He's about 17 years old going on 90.  I have the movie "Julia and Julia" playing in the living room and I'm sitting on the front porch swing.  The breeze is so nice. I've been on a new path lately that has been a fun challenge.  In an effort to create more peace in my thinking, I've been  working on reading books by authors like Eckhart Tolle, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, and Richard Rohr.   I had an evening in mid December, where my mind lit up to something I can't quite explain, but I knew right away it was what some people call enlightenment.  It felt like a part of my brain snapped and I was suddenly given a new understanding.  If you've ever heard anyone say something about it, yo...
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Where is God Part 2

This was written over a month ago........ In my last post I was discouraged.  Things had been overwhelming and it felt like I couldn't find God. I couldn't see him in my life the way I have before.   I've gone through times where God is elusive, many times before.  I know that it is not God that is elusive but me.   So I prayed with a pleading heart that God would help with all that is going on.  I prayed with that heart that almost hurts for God.  I prayed in that desperate way that you do when your child is seriously hurt or sick.  And then... you see God.   It always amazes me when He can finally reach me.  It's like my phone line to him was too busy for him to get through.  My mind was too full of all that was going on.  And then there he was.  At that moment I felt like He was helping me to see that life can change.  Circumstances can change.  Why do we think we are so powerless to change things?...
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Where is God? (part one?)

 It has been a hard few months, or rather years, for almost all of us. I listen to my children talk about their lives and I listen to what friends are going through and my heart breaks for all of it.  I look at my own life and I wonder where God is. I know a lot of people don't believe in God because they feel like a loving God would not allow the suffering that they see and feel all around them.  I think it is easier to believe that God does not exist.  If they believe, then it's hard to understand. For a person who believes, they can get discouraged when God doesn't make Himself known and felt. We can feel abandoned. That is where I am now. With everything that is going on in the world it feels like God is elusive.  I can't find Him. I have felt His presence in my life so strongly at times that I know He exists.  I never understand why He disappears.  So many say He never disappears but that we just have so much going on, we can't see Him.  We g...
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