Soft heart that annoys (revised)

I read this blog post and decided I didn't want to say what I said.

I wanted to say more.  I wanted to tell you how I'm really feeling.

But it does no good.  

It may resonate with someone else, but it doesn't make any difference.

It's doesn't help anyone to get through anything any easier.  

We have to walk through our crap.

People tell you what they think of you by their actions.

I told my cousin that my soul is tired.  That is so accurate.

I'm still mourning my dad.  

I'm sad that he knew he was dying and didn't tell us.

He was alone with that and I wish he would have told me.

I'm sad that my family can't handle being around me because I frustrate them.

Right after I was told my mom was dying of cancer, I had someone tell me something

that my mom said about me that was so very ugly.  And this person doesn't realize that

Those words will stick with me for the rest of my life.  Every day I will remember.


Words and actions can imprint on your soul forever.

I pray I have never said words that broke a heart.  If I did... I hope I have said I'm so very sorry.

That won't take them away.  But I will pay for them. or already have.


Now with my dads passing... we start all over.  I am the burden.

Never a good feeling.

So... I will walk through my crap.

I will, some day, come out on the other side and be ok.  

I will keep praying and trying to be a good person and fail over and over.

I will find my joy even if it is the goal of others to make me feel beneath them.

I will not make a show of a fake perfect life when it helps no one to do so.

Pull on those rubber boots and walk through your crap.  Hold someone else hand

so neither of you slip.  And if you do slip and get crap all over your butt. 

        Laugh together.

Hugs

Shannon


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