Where is God? (part one?)

 It has been a hard few months, or rather years, for almost all of us.

I listen to my children talk about their lives and I listen to what friends are going through and my heart breaks for all of it.  I look at my own life and I wonder where God is.

I know a lot of people don't believe in God because they feel like a loving God would not allow the suffering that they see and feel all around them.  I think it is easier to believe that God does not exist.  If they believe, then it's hard to understand. For a person who believes, they can get discouraged when God doesn't make Himself known and felt. We can feel abandoned. That is where I am now.

With everything that is going on in the world it feels like God is elusive.  I can't find Him. I have felt His presence in my life so strongly at times that I know He exists.  I never understand why He disappears.  So many say He never disappears but that we just have so much going on, we can't see Him.  We get too caught up in our own lives and He is waiting in the background.  So, we pray in a pleading way, or we beg.  

I ask myself what I am doing wrong.  I have a truly blessed life.  I have illness that makes that blessed life hard to enjoy many days, or most days. I try.  I hope.  I pray.  I question myself. Am I just not strong?

To be continued.....

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