Living Life Beautifully

I read this blog post and decided I didn't want to say what I said. I wanted to say more.  I wanted to tell you how I'm really feeling. But it does no good.   It may resonate with someone else, but it doesn't make any difference. It's doesn't help anyone to get through anything any easier.   We have to walk through our crap. People tell you what they think of you by their actions. I told my cousin that my soul is tired.  That is so accurate. I'm still mourning my dad.   I'm sad that he knew he was dying and didn't tell us. He was alone with that and I wish he would have told me. I'm sad that my family can't handle being around me because I frustrate them. Right after I was told my mom was dying of cancer, I had someone tell me something that my mom said about me that was so very ugly.  And this person doesn't realize that Those words will stick with me for the rest of my life.  Every day I will remember. Words and actions can imprint on ...

This week has been so crazy. I was up all night thinking about my dad and trying to brain storm on the good things he did during my childhood.  As children we were scared of him, so it's easy to go into all the negative stuff and stay there.  But I was lying in bed thinking about how he worked every day and almost never called in sick.  I was thinking about how he would become a totally different person when we went to the coast every year and would make breakfast for all of us outside on his green Coleman gas stove.  I was thinking about how he taught us to fish and was incredibly patient with that job.  I thought about how he kept my bike tires and Gina's bike tires inflated and how he built my bike from an old bike that was my oldest brothers.  He painted it green attached a banana seat, a flag a basket and a radio.  I was thinking about how he let us sit in the old cars he reworked and showed us how to do things in the shop like making glasses ou...

It feels like a very long time since I've posted on my blog site. I journal quite a bit in books or on scrap paper when things are simple or incredibly difficult. That sounds so strange. In the last few weeks everything feels strange. Life has been so different. I feel like it's been a challenge to marriage, an eye opener to where we spend our time, and a test of patience. Along with many other things during this time, We had three, or so, days of crazy heat, and in those days we had no AC. I ended up sick, things became overwhelming, and tensions were incredibly high. So many things on your mind.... We were worried about my dad, my sister in law, and informed we couldn't see our son who is in the Air Force. The months have been so much harder on others who were sick or unable to be with loved ones who were sick and worse. How do we wrap our minds around what others have endured. I pray a lot.  And then I pray some more. I always have a rough time from...