Lady bugs
Do you ever have those days where you just want to start over, like re-creating yourself, doing everything better? When your passion for whatever your doing in life has become stagnant or unfulfilled?
In the last month I've been doing the weight watchers thing. My beautiful sister-in-law looks amazing, and I thought it would be worth it to give it a try. I'm loving it and hating it at the same time, but it's also making me want to change other aspects of my life. I think I've lost the passion for what I make of my life. Does that make sense. I do the mom thing, cook, maid, accountant, taxi service, laundromat, bathroom attendant, vet, nurse, interior designer, seamstress, etc, etc..... I do the wife thing...I won't go into detail there. I do the church thing. I do the daughter, friend, sister, stranger thing. Each thing I treat with my usual reactions. In my home I am the ship captain. Out of my home I am the dingy boat that is tied to the deck. I run this place because no one else wants to, I don't like to yell, because it's how I was raised and I didn't like it. So I just do the work. Blah!
Lately everything is breaking down. Our home is full of hand me downs and old stuff, so everything is ready to stop working. Each one is just waiting for it's turn.
I can't keep up, mentally or physically.
The other day one of the twins came up to me and complained that there was no rug in the bathroom and when he stepped out of the shower, he stepped on crumbs from the cat's litter box and his feet were wet and it felt really gross. I stood there and thought I was dreaming. Mind you, this is a 16 year old young man, who leaves his clothes in the bathroom 9 times out of 10, throws his towel on the floor, and seems to walk all over the entire bathroom with wet feet even when there IS a rug on the floor. Not to mention the fact that I have to share a toilet with 5 guys. I took a deep breath and walked away.
When I tell either of my 16 year old boys to clean the kitchen, I get a long explanation about why they shouldn't have to do it. I've given up trying to tell the 19 year old to do ANYTHING in the house. He rolls his eyes and doesn't do it. He doesn't say he won't. He just doesn't. That's that.
The 11 year old does what he's asked, although he's not asked to do much.
When I look back at what I thought life would be like when I got married and had kids, I can't really remember what I pictured. It's probably because my brain is fried.
I look at my life now and I think, "What was I thinking.....4 kids, 7 animals, two houses, and a husband who, God love him, has ideas coming from every direction there is. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore my family. I just don't think I was prepared for so much responsibility. There's got to be an easier way to do this.
I think the world today leads us to try to be super woman, super man, super family. It is so busy! If your not running your kids to every birthday party, every sporting event, every school function, head of PTA, room mom, coach of the baseball team....you almost feel like a failure.
If I were to order the perfect life, I think it would be much slower. Seriously, if you could walk up to the counter of a store and tell them exactly what you want in life, what would your order be? A simple, peaceful, happy, no stress, healthy life, with a happy, healthy family, lots of time to enjoy them, enough money to take care of everything all the time. I know, I know. We aren't meant to have a perfect life here. We have lessons to learn and growing to do, so life has to be hard at times and we have to endure. BUT...
What if we could do better. I want to do better. I just don't know how.
I'm not sure that I would change anything in my life. I'd just like to enjoy it more. I'm glad I learned what I've learned. I didn't get to take any shortcuts. (that's for Phil) I had to go through it all. I can handle doing the work. I just really want to enjoy it more.
We have lady bugs in our house. When we moved the house here and had to open a wall, we found thousands of lady bugs that traveled with the house. Now, whenever the sun comes out, there are lady bugs all over the windows. It's very cool. But I find myself trying to save every lady bug life I can. They busy themselves all over the kitchen and after a while, they start to die. I feel kinda like that lady bug at times. I don't want to spend my entire life doing all the busy stuff and then pass away without having enjoyed it.
Just my thoughts for the day.
Love
Shannon
In the last month I've been doing the weight watchers thing. My beautiful sister-in-law looks amazing, and I thought it would be worth it to give it a try. I'm loving it and hating it at the same time, but it's also making me want to change other aspects of my life. I think I've lost the passion for what I make of my life. Does that make sense. I do the mom thing, cook, maid, accountant, taxi service, laundromat, bathroom attendant, vet, nurse, interior designer, seamstress, etc, etc..... I do the wife thing...I won't go into detail there. I do the church thing. I do the daughter, friend, sister, stranger thing. Each thing I treat with my usual reactions. In my home I am the ship captain. Out of my home I am the dingy boat that is tied to the deck. I run this place because no one else wants to, I don't like to yell, because it's how I was raised and I didn't like it. So I just do the work. Blah!
Lately everything is breaking down. Our home is full of hand me downs and old stuff, so everything is ready to stop working. Each one is just waiting for it's turn.
I can't keep up, mentally or physically.
The other day one of the twins came up to me and complained that there was no rug in the bathroom and when he stepped out of the shower, he stepped on crumbs from the cat's litter box and his feet were wet and it felt really gross. I stood there and thought I was dreaming. Mind you, this is a 16 year old young man, who leaves his clothes in the bathroom 9 times out of 10, throws his towel on the floor, and seems to walk all over the entire bathroom with wet feet even when there IS a rug on the floor. Not to mention the fact that I have to share a toilet with 5 guys. I took a deep breath and walked away.
When I tell either of my 16 year old boys to clean the kitchen, I get a long explanation about why they shouldn't have to do it. I've given up trying to tell the 19 year old to do ANYTHING in the house. He rolls his eyes and doesn't do it. He doesn't say he won't. He just doesn't. That's that.
The 11 year old does what he's asked, although he's not asked to do much.
When I look back at what I thought life would be like when I got married and had kids, I can't really remember what I pictured. It's probably because my brain is fried.
I look at my life now and I think, "What was I thinking.....4 kids, 7 animals, two houses, and a husband who, God love him, has ideas coming from every direction there is. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore my family. I just don't think I was prepared for so much responsibility. There's got to be an easier way to do this.
I think the world today leads us to try to be super woman, super man, super family. It is so busy! If your not running your kids to every birthday party, every sporting event, every school function, head of PTA, room mom, coach of the baseball team....you almost feel like a failure.
If I were to order the perfect life, I think it would be much slower. Seriously, if you could walk up to the counter of a store and tell them exactly what you want in life, what would your order be? A simple, peaceful, happy, no stress, healthy life, with a happy, healthy family, lots of time to enjoy them, enough money to take care of everything all the time. I know, I know. We aren't meant to have a perfect life here. We have lessons to learn and growing to do, so life has to be hard at times and we have to endure. BUT...
What if we could do better. I want to do better. I just don't know how.
I'm not sure that I would change anything in my life. I'd just like to enjoy it more. I'm glad I learned what I've learned. I didn't get to take any shortcuts. (that's for Phil) I had to go through it all. I can handle doing the work. I just really want to enjoy it more.
We have lady bugs in our house. When we moved the house here and had to open a wall, we found thousands of lady bugs that traveled with the house. Now, whenever the sun comes out, there are lady bugs all over the windows. It's very cool. But I find myself trying to save every lady bug life I can. They busy themselves all over the kitchen and after a while, they start to die. I feel kinda like that lady bug at times. I don't want to spend my entire life doing all the busy stuff and then pass away without having enjoyed it.
Just my thoughts for the day.
Love
Shannon
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