Just keep swimming
Wow!!! It's been a while since I've been on this thing.
I've been avoiding the computer. Not because I don't enjoy it, just cause I haven't had the mental energy to deal with it. Does that make any sense?
We've had 5 stressful months and it hasn't let up yet. I'm hopeful that things will calm down after january.
I didn't send out Christmas cards this year. I had all the stuff, but ran out of energy. I still have my Christmas trees and a few other decorations up. :(
Oh how I wish I had a magic nose to wiggle and make everything jump into the boxes and put themselves in storage. Wouldn't that be wonderful?
Our oldest son is all set up at the house in town. I think he's lovin it there. Taylor moved his things into Bruce Landon's room and the house is calm and peaceful...for now.
For the next few months we have, what we call, our down season. It's always stressful, but we seem to pull through every year with God's help. I never know how the money stretches during those months. I don't question it. I do a lot of praying during this time of year. I always wonder if I should be working instead of staying home. Every year I beat myself up about how I could go to work and help provide for my family. I think of all the things I do here and try to imagine adding a job and all that comes with the job. I don't think I was built to be a multitask er. I know people who can do it all and do it well. Not me. I fall apart if you give me too much to do.
People are always surprised to hear that I'm very shy. I don't like attention, and yet I sing in front of so many people on Sunday mornings. I've tried to be more courageous but I really like to be at home doing my thing.
I recently found out that my grandmother's condition, which caused her to be in an alzheimers ward for the last 10 plus years of her life, is probably hereditary. It scares me. I've been told my mother is having some of the same issues my grandmother started with. So I'm wondering if I need to push myself more, read more, do more. I'm tired just thinking about it. The fear of getting old and having all these problems, fear of what the stress in my life is doing to my body and mind.... It's overwhelming.
I wonder sometimes what God thinks of how we live our lives and the stress we put ourselves under. Does He look at us and think we're nuts? Does He shake His head and say, "Shannon Shannon Shannon, what are you doing?" If I were allowed to ask Him one question, I think I would ask Him how He thinks I should live. I would want great detail, of course. I want Him to tell me exactly what job my husband should be doing, how exactly I should be raising my kids, what exactly am I doing wrong.....
I know the bible gives us all that information, but I get lost in translation. I wish He could take my hand and go for a walk with me and tell me exactly what to do. "Sigh" Guess that's not gonna happen.
So I'm gonna keep winging it and see how I do.
I'm gonna keep swimming and try not to think about tomorrow too much.
I'm gonna keep praying.
Hugs
Shannon
I've been avoiding the computer. Not because I don't enjoy it, just cause I haven't had the mental energy to deal with it. Does that make any sense?
We've had 5 stressful months and it hasn't let up yet. I'm hopeful that things will calm down after january.
I didn't send out Christmas cards this year. I had all the stuff, but ran out of energy. I still have my Christmas trees and a few other decorations up. :(
Oh how I wish I had a magic nose to wiggle and make everything jump into the boxes and put themselves in storage. Wouldn't that be wonderful?
Our oldest son is all set up at the house in town. I think he's lovin it there. Taylor moved his things into Bruce Landon's room and the house is calm and peaceful...for now.
For the next few months we have, what we call, our down season. It's always stressful, but we seem to pull through every year with God's help. I never know how the money stretches during those months. I don't question it. I do a lot of praying during this time of year. I always wonder if I should be working instead of staying home. Every year I beat myself up about how I could go to work and help provide for my family. I think of all the things I do here and try to imagine adding a job and all that comes with the job. I don't think I was built to be a multitask er. I know people who can do it all and do it well. Not me. I fall apart if you give me too much to do.
People are always surprised to hear that I'm very shy. I don't like attention, and yet I sing in front of so many people on Sunday mornings. I've tried to be more courageous but I really like to be at home doing my thing.
I recently found out that my grandmother's condition, which caused her to be in an alzheimers ward for the last 10 plus years of her life, is probably hereditary. It scares me. I've been told my mother is having some of the same issues my grandmother started with. So I'm wondering if I need to push myself more, read more, do more. I'm tired just thinking about it. The fear of getting old and having all these problems, fear of what the stress in my life is doing to my body and mind.... It's overwhelming.
I wonder sometimes what God thinks of how we live our lives and the stress we put ourselves under. Does He look at us and think we're nuts? Does He shake His head and say, "Shannon Shannon Shannon, what are you doing?" If I were allowed to ask Him one question, I think I would ask Him how He thinks I should live. I would want great detail, of course. I want Him to tell me exactly what job my husband should be doing, how exactly I should be raising my kids, what exactly am I doing wrong.....
I know the bible gives us all that information, but I get lost in translation. I wish He could take my hand and go for a walk with me and tell me exactly what to do. "Sigh" Guess that's not gonna happen.
So I'm gonna keep winging it and see how I do.
I'm gonna keep swimming and try not to think about tomorrow too much.
I'm gonna keep praying.
Hugs
Shannon
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