I wonder........

I was talking to my husband this morning about our life and asked him if he ever thought about how different things would be had we made different choices.  I asked him if he thought he might have been more successful had he married someone else, who pushed him in the right directions.   He probably would have had a modern home with a lot less maintenance.  He would have probably had two kids and a minimalist home with very little clutter.
Then again...he might have married someone who didn't push him at all, had 10 kids, and lived with his parents because their home was so full of junk or they didn't have a home at all.
It is amazing to think of how many small choices we might make in life that turn things in a totally different direction.  I wonder how many times I made a choice, said something, or even gave a look, that changed the course of my life and the life of my family.  I don't think I ever THINK about how something I might say, blog about, or post online, might cause a chain reaction of thinking on my part of the part of anyone who comes into contact with me.  I wonder sometimes if I've caused issues that God shakes His mighty head about. 
I remember someone telling me that people don't think about you as much as you think they do.  I know that's true...kinda.  I also know that I think about everything.  On Thursday I went to get my blood work done to see if my Graves Disease is gone.  The girl who took my blood is usually a lot of fun to talk to.  On this day, she didn't even look me in the eye for more than a second and seemed almost upset with me.  She may have been having a bad day.  She may have been feeling under the weather.  Whatever it was that caused her to act the way she did, made me question if I had done something wrong.  I'm sure she went home that day, had a glass of wine, vented to her husband and the day was done.  She probably didn't have a second thought about how her mood might have effected others throughout the day. 
I wonder how many times, in my life, I might have caused someone discomfort because I was in a bad mood or I might have said something without thinking, or maybe I vented something that I should have kept to myself.  I can think of many times I should have shut my mouth. 
God gave me a personality that is an open book.  I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I pour everything out for everyone to see.  I'm not sure I'm proud of it.  I just can't change it. 
I've spent the last few years trying to be a better person.  I started this blog in the hopes of sharing my path to doing better and being better, and yet I think I might have been a better person at the beginning than I am now.   So many things have happened, and it seems to have worn me out.  

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