Expectations
Today started out as a good day. My youngest graduated last night and the day was going to be a, catch up on housework day. May is always so busy and our home turns into a disaster that never seems to get cleaned up.
Then my dad drove up. My dad hasn't been to my home in two and a half years.
I was actually excited to see that he came to the house. He wanted to bring Alex a graduation card.
Well.....He seemed like he didn't want to be here. I asked how he was doing. I took him out to see the chickens and Henny, our Road Island Red, wanted to go from my lap to his. He took her, told her not to crap on him and then handed her back within a minute or less. He didn't seem interested in anything about me or his grandkids. He said nothing positive. He didn't compliment anything. I thought to walk him through the garden, but he just said, "I see that". So...he left.
My husband came in from the back of the house. He saw that I was unhappy and asked me what happened.
I get mad at myself for letting stuff like that upset me. It hasn't ever been any different, so why does it upset me? Do I think things will magically change?
If we were to live each day with no expectations... life would be so much better. I know this.
I practice this. I learned it long ago. But, for some reason, I forget to attach this logic to certain people. There are certain people in your life that you think will love you unconditionally because it's supposed to be a natural instinct. I have learned so much in the last few years. Still need to work on that one.
When you have a birthday coming up, a mothers day, an anniversary, Christmas, Easter, etc..., you will picture the day in your mind. What you will do, how others will treat you. Then, it never happens that way..... and you feel sad or angry or depressed and maybe you don't know why.
Lose those expectations. Totally throw them out the window. Go with an open mind and let the day flow as it will.
What I should have done when my dad drove up, was to remind myself of who he is and not expect him to be more than that, or even that. He has grown to be a very sad man over the years and I'm not sure he can help it. He doesn't have God in his life, and he lives alone.
So...I will think of the days that he built me my first bike, picked out my car, fixed it and had it painted to give me for Christmas (my $500 Toyota corona). I will think of when he helped with our home or how he drove me to school for a couple of years in high school (in that awful orange truck with the camper on the back bed). He loved my mom and didn't really want kids. She sprang that on him. You can't change people.
I know we all have someone, or many some ones, who fit this example.
Let go of your expectations. Expect nothing and just go with God's love. Anything else is a bonus.
love
shannon
Then my dad drove up. My dad hasn't been to my home in two and a half years.
I was actually excited to see that he came to the house. He wanted to bring Alex a graduation card.
Well.....He seemed like he didn't want to be here. I asked how he was doing. I took him out to see the chickens and Henny, our Road Island Red, wanted to go from my lap to his. He took her, told her not to crap on him and then handed her back within a minute or less. He didn't seem interested in anything about me or his grandkids. He said nothing positive. He didn't compliment anything. I thought to walk him through the garden, but he just said, "I see that". So...he left.
My husband came in from the back of the house. He saw that I was unhappy and asked me what happened.
I get mad at myself for letting stuff like that upset me. It hasn't ever been any different, so why does it upset me? Do I think things will magically change?
If we were to live each day with no expectations... life would be so much better. I know this.
I practice this. I learned it long ago. But, for some reason, I forget to attach this logic to certain people. There are certain people in your life that you think will love you unconditionally because it's supposed to be a natural instinct. I have learned so much in the last few years. Still need to work on that one.
When you have a birthday coming up, a mothers day, an anniversary, Christmas, Easter, etc..., you will picture the day in your mind. What you will do, how others will treat you. Then, it never happens that way..... and you feel sad or angry or depressed and maybe you don't know why.
Lose those expectations. Totally throw them out the window. Go with an open mind and let the day flow as it will.
What I should have done when my dad drove up, was to remind myself of who he is and not expect him to be more than that, or even that. He has grown to be a very sad man over the years and I'm not sure he can help it. He doesn't have God in his life, and he lives alone.
So...I will think of the days that he built me my first bike, picked out my car, fixed it and had it painted to give me for Christmas (my $500 Toyota corona). I will think of when he helped with our home or how he drove me to school for a couple of years in high school (in that awful orange truck with the camper on the back bed). He loved my mom and didn't really want kids. She sprang that on him. You can't change people.
I know we all have someone, or many some ones, who fit this example.
Let go of your expectations. Expect nothing and just go with God's love. Anything else is a bonus.
love
shannon
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