Living Life Beautifully

 I was dropping my husband off to get his car fixed and I was listening to news on my phone.  It was so funny to listen to all the man made drama almost like little boys playing divide and concur.  There was so much talk of running out of money for this and that and then some news about testing a new missile or something.  I was thinking how funny that was to say you have no money but then spend thousands or more on testing a new missile.  Then they had all this talk about the border and razor wire and keeping people out and I thought, "stay out of our sandbox!".  Boys playing with their toys and not wanting those other kids to play, as if they are bullies not wanting to share.  In the real world it is not play and there are many issues, but they ARE man made issues.  They are immature issues of people who refuse to be nice.  We don't want to see that.  We want to think these are all issues out of our control as if we don't contribute, b...

 Oh the joy of blogging!   It is a beautiful Tuesday after noon.  The chickens are going off all around me and the chihuahua is doing his regular complaining because the temperature isn't within his degree of comfort and neither is his kennel inside.  He's about 17 years old going on 90.  I have the movie "Julia and Julia" playing in the living room and I'm sitting on the front porch swing.  The breeze is so nice. I've been on a new path lately that has been a fun challenge.  In an effort to create more peace in my thinking, I've been  working on reading books by authors like Eckhart Tolle, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, and Richard Rohr.   I had an evening in mid December, where my mind lit up to something I can't quite explain, but I knew right away it was what some people call enlightenment.  It felt like a part of my brain snapped and I was suddenly given a new understanding.  If you've ever heard anyone say something about it, yo...

This was written over a month ago........ In my last post I was discouraged.  Things had been overwhelming and it felt like I couldn't find God. I couldn't see him in my life the way I have before.   I've gone through times where God is elusive, many times before.  I know that it is not God that is elusive but me.   So I prayed with a pleading heart that God would help with all that is going on.  I prayed with that heart that almost hurts for God.  I prayed in that desperate way that you do when your child is seriously hurt or sick.  And then... you see God.   It always amazes me when He can finally reach me.  It's like my phone line to him was too busy for him to get through.  My mind was too full of all that was going on.  And then there he was.  At that moment I felt like He was helping me to see that life can change.  Circumstances can change.  Why do we think we are so powerless to change things?...

 It has been a hard few months, or rather years, for almost all of us. I listen to my children talk about their lives and I listen to what friends are going through and my heart breaks for all of it.  I look at my own life and I wonder where God is. I know a lot of people don't believe in God because they feel like a loving God would not allow the suffering that they see and feel all around them.  I think it is easier to believe that God does not exist.  If they believe, then it's hard to understand. For a person who believes, they can get discouraged when God doesn't make Himself known and felt. We can feel abandoned. That is where I am now. With everything that is going on in the world it feels like God is elusive.  I can't find Him. I have felt His presence in my life so strongly at times that I know He exists.  I never understand why He disappears.  So many say He never disappears but that we just have so much going on, we can't see Him.  We g...

 Gosh, I was just thinking about back when I started this blog.  I had this great hope of helping people find their version of a beautiful life.  I wanted to share my struggles and challenges and let others know they were not alone. I wanted to share how life gives us some situations that are common to many but many don't talk about them, such as the challenges of depression, family struggles, the way the mind interprets things and makes them larger than they are.  I wanted to walk through those things and help others to see that it worked out ok.  If a friendship is lost or a relationship is strained, then maybe it's a necessary boundary for us to move on to better things. Living Life Beautifully was an idea of taking what is not so pretty and taking steps to make it beautiful.  I still believe it is possible in any life to make it beautiful.  So I'm going to admit that my life right now is chaos.  Not so beautiful.  It lacks time with my hu...

 It is almost Christmas!!!  Can you believe it?   I have had an interesting November so far.  Bruce and I started a program for my health.  You get so desperate when you feel bad all the time.  Sometimes it can feel like the life you have when you have an auto immune disease is not a quality life.  It can feel overwhelming and frustrating because you can't do the things you love anymore.  Se we reached out to someone who has a lot of the same things I have but her life is amazing.  And we started a program that she does for a living.  It's been pretty easy for us because we were only eating one meal a day due to my inability to eat and not crash. I'm getting my house cleaner and my craft area is almost up and running and I have energy and I am terrified that it won't last.  Lol!  We've been on this journey once before with a coffee we were drinking and then they changed the product and it made me sick.  So I am hopefu...

 Yesterday was a rough day full of bad memories and thoughts.  People will tell you to just let it go but I've learned that you have to feel the bad stuff and work through it.   I blog about my thoughts.   I am a communicator.  I talk a lot.  I share because I always felt bad as a child and I wished someone would have saved me.  I didn't like myself.  I was bullied.  I always had stomach problems from being nervous about having to deal with people.  I used to blog a lot more but some things happened that made me stop.  So now I am incredibly nervous to share my thoughts.  I have no enemies.  I hate no one.  I try not to talk about anyone.  My issues are MY issues and I blog about non specific things most days.  At times I have no idea what the subject will be about until I start typing.  I share to my facebook page because I keep my friends list small and there are no threats there.  I ge...