Living Life Beautifully

It is a beautiful spring morning with perfect temperatures and a nice breeze.  I've already had to go outside and save a chicken who snuck into a netted garden bed trying to steal my sprouting veggies.  I gave her sisters some oatmeal and she was losing her little chicken mind trying to get out so she could have some oatmeal also.   I was sitting here journaling about a book I was listening to while I was cleaning yesterday.  It's a Wayne Dyer book called, "There's a spiritual solution to every problem", where he talks about vibration, energy, and frequency.  He says you have to raise your vibration to truly connect with God and hear the guidance you need for a beautiful life.  It got me thinking about the body and what the body's purpose is in this life we've chosen to live on earth.  I believe that we are souls living in a body that was created by our parents.  When we are done with this life, we leave this precious body that has helped us ...

 It is a truly beautiful day outside.  The sun is shining and the temperature is so nice that I have my old farmhouse windows open.  I can feel the breeze as I sit in my kitchen from my table.  My table is an antique from my husband's Aunt.  When we moved to this house we took the table and added 6 1/2 inches to the legs.  Then we painted the bottom half and refinished the top.  This last week we painted the top white instead of trying to refinish it again after 14 years of use.  I don't know if it will last but it's nice for now.  I always seem to put a lot of stuff on top of my table because we don't have a lot of counter space in our kitchen but right now, while I let the table top cure, I'm noticing how nice it is to use the table without so much clutter. Bruce is out doing lawn jobs for the day and I have a long list of chores that I need to do.  Living on a 2 and a half acre farm with chickens, quail, ducks, and rabbits is a lot of...

 It is a beautiful Friday in January.  The sun is shining and the chickens and ducks are all talking outside.  We had rain a few days ago so the gravel driveway has its low spots full of water, which the ducks love.  They swim in it as if it were their own special pond.  so fun to watch. I woke up this morning later than normal because Bruce and I watched TV until late in the evening, so he was already gone when I came into the kitchen to make my coffee, then I headed into the dining room to do my morning journaling.  We had gone to a doctors appointment yesterday and then went to visit one of our boys in his new apartment. I was writing about a family that I had the pleasure of speaking with in the waiting room of the office. It was a grandmother, her grandson and then her daughter walked in.  The grandmother was not feeling well and her age had made it very difficult for her to walk into the office without the help of her grandson.  I was watchi...

 It is a beautiful hot day outside.  Texas weather in the summers are not for the faint of heart, that's for sure.  But it is truly beautiful.  We've had a good amount of rain through June so the grass is still green, which doesn't usually happen by July.   I don't blog often.  I unintentionally hurt someones feelings with a blog post and I don't want to do that again so I am very nervous blogging about anything.  I created this blog page to try and heal myself and maybe help anyone else who might be going through the same circumstances.  I have depression that has been my constant companion for a good part of my life.   So most of my blog posts are my way of working through my depression.  I have a hard time feeling safe in many situations.  A good amount of that was because of how our home felt when I was young.  I had precious parents that weren't good at communication.  I don't think they knew how to be any o...

 I'm sitting on my front porch swing and it is a truly beautiful day.  The breeze is amazing and the sun is shinning.  I have the beauty of trees all around me and birds are singing.  Then, on occasion, I can hear a rooster crow or an egg song being sung.  At times you can hear the entire flock of chickens going off for some reason or another.  They cry wolf so often, to their own detriment, and when you run out to see what is wrong it can sometimes be a butterfly in their area flittering about.  So, at times we just get tired of going out, stay inside, only to find there was something actually wrong.   I am sometimes really hard on myself when it comes to the house and property.  I start to look at it with my mothers eyes and hear her telling me what a failure I am at keeping it nice.  I can hear my dad telling me to have Bruce fix this or that as if he is disgusted at us for letting it go.  Why do I do that to my self? Are my...

 I was dropping my husband off to get his car fixed and I was listening to news on my phone.  It was so funny to listen to all the man made drama almost like little boys playing divide and concur.  There was so much talk of running out of money for this and that and then some news about testing a new missile or something.  I was thinking how funny that was to say you have no money but then spend thousands or more on testing a new missile.  Then they had all this talk about the border and razor wire and keeping people out and I thought, "stay out of our sandbox!".  Boys playing with their toys and not wanting those other kids to play, as if they are bullies not wanting to share.  In the real world it is not play and there are many issues, but they ARE man made issues.  They are immature issues of people who refuse to be nice.  We don't want to see that.  We want to think these are all issues out of our control as if we don't contribute, b...

 Oh the joy of blogging!   It is a beautiful Tuesday after noon.  The chickens are going off all around me and the chihuahua is doing his regular complaining because the temperature isn't within his degree of comfort and neither is his kennel inside.  He's about 17 years old going on 90.  I have the movie "Julia and Julia" playing in the living room and I'm sitting on the front porch swing.  The breeze is so nice. I've been on a new path lately that has been a fun challenge.  In an effort to create more peace in my thinking, I've been  working on reading books by authors like Eckhart Tolle, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, and Richard Rohr.   I had an evening in mid December, where my mind lit up to something I can't quite explain, but I knew right away it was what some people call enlightenment.  It felt like a part of my brain snapped and I was suddenly given a new understanding.  If you've ever heard anyone say something about it, yo...

This was written over a month ago........ In my last post I was discouraged.  Things had been overwhelming and it felt like I couldn't find God. I couldn't see him in my life the way I have before.   I've gone through times where God is elusive, many times before.  I know that it is not God that is elusive but me.   So I prayed with a pleading heart that God would help with all that is going on.  I prayed with that heart that almost hurts for God.  I prayed in that desperate way that you do when your child is seriously hurt or sick.  And then... you see God.   It always amazes me when He can finally reach me.  It's like my phone line to him was too busy for him to get through.  My mind was too full of all that was going on.  And then there he was.  At that moment I felt like He was helping me to see that life can change.  Circumstances can change.  Why do we think we are so powerless to change things?...

 It has been a hard few months, or rather years, for almost all of us. I listen to my children talk about their lives and I listen to what friends are going through and my heart breaks for all of it.  I look at my own life and I wonder where God is. I know a lot of people don't believe in God because they feel like a loving God would not allow the suffering that they see and feel all around them.  I think it is easier to believe that God does not exist.  If they believe, then it's hard to understand. For a person who believes, they can get discouraged when God doesn't make Himself known and felt. We can feel abandoned. That is where I am now. With everything that is going on in the world it feels like God is elusive.  I can't find Him. I have felt His presence in my life so strongly at times that I know He exists.  I never understand why He disappears.  So many say He never disappears but that we just have so much going on, we can't see Him.  We g...

 Gosh, I was just thinking about back when I started this blog.  I had this great hope of helping people find their version of a beautiful life.  I wanted to share my struggles and challenges and let others know they were not alone. I wanted to share how life gives us some situations that are common to many but many don't talk about them, such as the challenges of depression, family struggles, the way the mind interprets things and makes them larger than they are.  I wanted to walk through those things and help others to see that it worked out ok.  If a friendship is lost or a relationship is strained, then maybe it's a necessary boundary for us to move on to better things. Living Life Beautifully was an idea of taking what is not so pretty and taking steps to make it beautiful.  I still believe it is possible in any life to make it beautiful.  So I'm going to admit that my life right now is chaos.  Not so beautiful.  It lacks time with my hu...

 It is almost Christmas!!!  Can you believe it?   I have had an interesting November so far.  Bruce and I started a program for my health.  You get so desperate when you feel bad all the time.  Sometimes it can feel like the life you have when you have an auto immune disease is not a quality life.  It can feel overwhelming and frustrating because you can't do the things you love anymore.  Se we reached out to someone who has a lot of the same things I have but her life is amazing.  And we started a program that she does for a living.  It's been pretty easy for us because we were only eating one meal a day due to my inability to eat and not crash. I'm getting my house cleaner and my craft area is almost up and running and I have energy and I am terrified that it won't last.  Lol!  We've been on this journey once before with a coffee we were drinking and then they changed the product and it made me sick.  So I am hopefu...

 Yesterday was a rough day full of bad memories and thoughts.  People will tell you to just let it go but I've learned that you have to feel the bad stuff and work through it.   I blog about my thoughts.   I am a communicator.  I talk a lot.  I share because I always felt bad as a child and I wished someone would have saved me.  I didn't like myself.  I was bullied.  I always had stomach problems from being nervous about having to deal with people.  I used to blog a lot more but some things happened that made me stop.  So now I am incredibly nervous to share my thoughts.  I have no enemies.  I hate no one.  I try not to talk about anyone.  My issues are MY issues and I blog about non specific things most days.  At times I have no idea what the subject will be about until I start typing.  I share to my facebook page because I keep my friends list small and there are no threats there.  I ge...

I am taking a break from chores.  I have a lot of chores.  It's my own fault.   I think I am a border line hoarder.  I love to surround myself with pretty things. I love to do crafts, so I have a lot of supplies. I love my birds, so I have a lot of them. I love to garden, so I have a lot of plants and a huge garden that is full of stuff (not much that is edible). I keep things that remind me of someone, or a story that makes me happy. I keep things that are beautiful and make me feel good to look at them. I love nature, trees, plants, deer, rabbits, wild flowers (God's Art). I live in the center of a park like atmosphere.  It is peaceful even with the noise of the chickens and quail and dogs that seem to bark at everything that moves. So last night we bought groceries online.  This morning Bruce went to pick them up. I have spent the entire day trying to find room in the refrigerators to put the things that need to be kept cold or frozen.  I did d...

Can I pet your sloth? This was said to me by a little boy that visited the farm and thought I had a sloth. He asked me several time even though I told him I didn't have one.  So he would say, "or maybe your chihuahua then." 2021 hasn't been easier like we all thought.  But I think we've all learned a few things. We've learned that we can stay home with our spouse and children and still manage to keep ourselves from exploding into a thousand pieces from stressing.   We've learned we are not as prepared as we thought we were and might need to make a few changes. We've learned to improvise, cook, find other solutions if we run out of TP. I've learned that my faith in God is the most important thing in my life beyond all else. When you miss someone you lost you hope for them, that they are in heaven. It becomes the only thing that matters when they are gone.  I understand that life is not short like we  always say.  Life is long and we are only going t...

 I'm listening to music from a Texas country artist we plan on interviewing Friday, and I have a glass of wine sitting next to me.  The music is great. My brain is numb from too much to think about and do. It is soothing to hear.  My sister in law is in the hospital and it doesn't look like she will make it without a miracle.  I pray and I cry thinking about her.  I imagine her lying in the hospital bed with everything connected and my heart breaks.   We have lost so many people in the last year. I miss my dad.  I miss my Brinkley.  I will miss my Sister in law if she goes to be with God. I know she loves God.  That gives me such peace. I know Heaven exists.  I can feel it as if it is a part of me.  It is a light that lives inside my soul. I pray all the ones that I love will be there when it is their time.  It does not make losing others painless but it does make losing those who you love and know love God so freeing beca...

I read this blog post and decided I didn't want to say what I said. I wanted to say more.  I wanted to tell you how I'm really feeling. But it does no good.   It may resonate with someone else, but it doesn't make any difference. It's doesn't help anyone to get through anything any easier.   We have to walk through our crap. People tell you what they think of you by their actions. I told my cousin that my soul is tired.  That is so accurate. I'm still mourning my dad.   I'm sad that he knew he was dying and didn't tell us. He was alone with that and I wish he would have told me. I'm sad that my family can't handle being around me because I frustrate them. Right after I was told my mom was dying of cancer, I had someone tell me something that my mom said about me that was so very ugly.  And this person doesn't realize that Those words will stick with me for the rest of my life.  Every day I will remember. Words and actions can imprint on ...

This week has been so crazy. I was up all night thinking about my dad and trying to brain storm on the good things he did during my childhood.  As children we were scared of him, so it's easy to go into all the negative stuff and stay there.  But I was lying in bed thinking about how he worked every day and almost never called in sick.  I was thinking about how he would become a totally different person when we went to the coast every year and would make breakfast for all of us outside on his green Coleman gas stove.  I was thinking about how he taught us to fish and was incredibly patient with that job.  I thought about how he kept my bike tires and Gina's bike tires inflated and how he built my bike from an old bike that was my oldest brothers.  He painted it green attached a banana seat, a flag a basket and a radio.  I was thinking about how he let us sit in the old cars he reworked and showed us how to do things in the shop like making glasses ou...

It feels like a very long time since I've posted on my blog site. I journal quite a bit in books or on scrap paper when things are simple or incredibly difficult. That sounds so strange. In the last few weeks everything feels strange. Life has been so different. I feel like it's been a challenge to marriage, an eye opener to where we spend our time, and a test of patience. Along with many other things during this time, We had three, or so, days of crazy heat, and in those days we had no AC. I ended up sick, things became overwhelming, and tensions were incredibly high. So many things on your mind.... We were worried about my dad, my sister in law, and informed we couldn't see our son who is in the Air Force. The months have been so much harder on others who were sick or unable to be with loved ones who were sick and worse. How do we wrap our minds around what others have endured. I pray a lot.  And then I pray some more. I always have a rough time from...

It's that season again.   The season of excitement and yet fear of upsetting family. Fear of grumpy dad.  Fear of saying the wrong thing. Fear of being considered lacking. It is the one part of my life that I fail most. It is my most sensitive time where I let things get to me. This is my mind speaking to me as I try to sleep......... . . . Do you ever feel like no matter how you live your life, you can't do anything right? (It's almost 3 in the morning and I haven't been able to stay asleep, if I've slept at all.) (My mind continues to speak) I've been laying here re assessing my life from the opinion of others. I don't ask for anything...... I take care of my family, raised my children, pay my bills, love my husband. We have chosen a life that is simple.  We don't go on big vacations, we have older cars, we have an old home that we restored and built ourselves along with two other homes our children live in. We've been dealt a flood, we've had ...

When I wake up in the morning the first thing I look at is the window to see if the sun is shining. I try to guess the time.  I listen to Skuttles crowing.  I tell God thank you, unless I forget. I have an app on my kindle called youversion.  I can read my daily bible reading and devotionals that I have chosen.  I almost done with reading the bible in a year although I wasn't as consistent as I should have been so it took me more than a year. I get up, get dressed, hit the bathroom to brush my teeth and all that stuff, and then I head into the kitchen for my tea or coffee routine.  I look forward to opening my laptop to make a video or blog something.  God made me a talker.  I love to talk.  I love to learn.  I love to listen and get so excited that I interrupt all the time.  My mind is always searching for new information and ways to do better. I'm reading and studying the things around me.  I try to regrow things and hatc...