Living Life Beautifully

It's that season again.   The season of excitement and yet fear of upsetting family. Fear of grumpy dad.  Fear of saying the wrong thing. Fear of being considered lacking. It is the one part of my life that I fail most. It is my most sensitive time where I let things get to me. This is my mind speaking to me as I try to sleep......... . . . Do you ever feel like no matter how you live your life, you can't do anything right? (It's almost 3 in the morning and I haven't been able to stay asleep, if I've slept at all.) (My mind continues to speak) I've been laying here re assessing my life from the opinion of others. I don't ask for anything...... I take care of my family, raised my children, pay my bills, love my husband. We have chosen a life that is simple.  We don't go on big vacations, we have older cars, we have an old home that we restored and built ourselves along with two other homes our children live in. We've been dealt a flood, we've had ...

When I wake up in the morning the first thing I look at is the window to see if the sun is shining. I try to guess the time.  I listen to Skuttles crowing.  I tell God thank you, unless I forget. I have an app on my kindle called youversion.  I can read my daily bible reading and devotionals that I have chosen.  I almost done with reading the bible in a year although I wasn't as consistent as I should have been so it took me more than a year. I get up, get dressed, hit the bathroom to brush my teeth and all that stuff, and then I head into the kitchen for my tea or coffee routine.  I look forward to opening my laptop to make a video or blog something.  God made me a talker.  I love to talk.  I love to learn.  I love to listen and get so excited that I interrupt all the time.  My mind is always searching for new information and ways to do better. I'm reading and studying the things around me.  I try to regrow things and hatc...

I've got to get myself in a better mood. You know those mornings when you have your brain set on auto pilot and you know what you want to do and someone keeps throwing stuff at you while your trying to think? You haven't had your coffee yet and a part of your brain is wanting to tell everyone to go away and stop talking.  You are a nice person but if they don't walk out of the room right now, your going to say something that is not so nice. Your working on something and your being interrupted. That is me right now. How to get myself out of that mind set. Can I just go back to sleep? Do I need wine?  It's a bit early for that. Do I need to go outside in the cold and walk it off? I feel like mean person right now.

Good Morning. I am, at the moment, sitting in my Livingroom with my Christmas tree all decorated and Christmas music playing in the background.  It's October. Yes, I am one of THOSE PEOPLE. There are quite a few things going on at the house recently. We are trying to transition to a more calm less mess environment. We are trying to become organized and give the place a bit more peace. When you live in a house for several years, it slowly become more and more cluttered and you don't see it.  You hang this here and that there and finally you have 25 bunches of dried flowers hanging all over the place and many more little knick knacks here and there. I did not notice until I looked at some pictures that came up while searching for craft photos. It was like looking at a nice relaxed clean version of my home and got me looking around a bit. I will never be a minimal person.  I will always have a lot of things. I can do with a little less.  So today, while my hus...

My home is chaos. Between me only having a few hours a day that I can do anything, and my husband having so much on his plate with a full time job, and many little challenges along with the way with animals making mess, It is absolute chaos. I have to think of it as beautiful chaos. I have a home, a husband, 4 beautiful boys, food, clothes, animals, and I am breathing. My heart is beating and my family is healthy. I was listening to something the other day about how we make ourselves unhappy. It asked you to make a list of the areas in your life you are happy with and why. Then it asks you to make a list of the areas you are unhappy with and why. When you do this and look at the lists you will find that the things your are happy with fit the blueprint of what you think life is supposed to be. The things your unhappy with do not fit the blueprint. You feel like your failing in that area. Hmmmm….. So, what do you do? You change the blueprint. You change your story. We ...

Friday after our Radio Morning Show, we noticed that our wild duck flew away. He's done this before.  This morning I went outside to find him in the duck coop on his shelf with his food.  I guess he must have come back after I went to bed and when my husband went and let him in the coop so he could eat.  Funny little duck. Bruce said he showed up at about 6:12 AM. I haven't been on the computer much.  I'm still working on trying to feel good enough to stay on my feet for a good amount of time.  I finished my cleans and then kept up with eating only fruits and veggies.  If I eat anything else I seem to get sick.  Go figure. I have an appointment this next week.  Hopefully she will give us some answers. It's so nice and cool outside.  I wish it would stay like this until spring. It makes you want to build a fire in your wood stove. I love this time of year.  I enjoy being out in it but not a fan of the allergies. Last night I...

This last few days I've been doing a cleanse. Bruce purchased a juice cleanse kit from a local juice shop called "Fresh" a few days ago, and I've kept up with eating all fruits and veggies for several days.  I feel better, but tired.  I think my body is saying, "FINALLY!!!" It may take a while for me to get my energy back but it will be worth it in the end. It is so crazy hard to keep from eating the bad stuff. We have such little willpower when there is so much available that's bad for us. I drink my juice while saying, "I want pizza".  It seems to help.  LOL! Our AC is out again.  We just went through this two weeks ago. It's supposed to get cooler this week.  Thank the Lord above!!! It's funny, as uncomfortable as it is when these things break... We've been pretty peaceful about it as it works itself out. Having peace while living life seems to be the ultimate goal I guess.  But you want Joy to come along with it.  And...

I've been sick for almost two weeks with what feels like vertigo. It has made my husband responsible for all my chores and he doesn't complain. He's really a good guy. We've been reading in some books, for the past many months, in an effort to spend time together talking and to learn.  It has become precious time.  Lately he's had to do the reading because I can't look at the words without feeling dizzy.  Today it lulled him to sleep.  Lol! One of the things that stuck out in one of the books was "Do for others and it will come back to you".  I've heard the phrase many times before.  It's not foreign or new to me.  But for some reason today it was heard with a different level of  maturity. I think, when you are someone who doesn't like to accept help but then you don't feel well.....  It sets off a different thought process. I am the worlds worst at letting people do for me.  I don't like it.  It makes me feel guilty.  It...

It's a really nice day. I have many things on my todo list that I hope to accomplish today, but it's ok if I don't. How frustrated, with yourself, do you get when you can't accomplish everything on your list? How frustrated does your spouse get when you can't accomplish everything on HIS/HER list? Bruce and I did some reading this morning on the boundaries book and read about resentment. How many times in a married life do we feel that awful feeling creep up? Your spouse doesn't do what you feel he or she should be doing, or you feel like they aren't pulling their weight.  They come to give you a kiss and you want to say, "PASS". I used to have my mom on the phone while I complained and she would tell me how I needed to yell at him for this or that, or how I shouldn't let him get away with that.  So your spouse comes home to an angry wife who goes off on him.  He's looking at you like your nuts and then asks if you talked to your mom...

Today I had the absolute privilege of going to a very dear lady's memorial. In life we meet people that make an impact that we can't forget. We can all think of someone who has a personality larger than life. Or a person who lights up when they see you. There are so many in my life that I have met through my walk with God. So many that, when I get to see them, it is such a joy. I was so blessed to see some of them today. And so very blessed to have known Loretta. This dear lady had a story..... a story that would touch your heart and make you cry. She endure things that I would not have survived.... and yet she came out of all of it with a faith that was so strong. God saved her. She had a love of people. She had a heart for people.   She had a hug that I know took even Jesus' breathe away. Today is going to be a good day. No matter what happens in the day, no matter what challenges I face... Today is going to be a good day. Any ...

Challenging morning. We lost a sweet little hen this morning.  She was a failure to thrive baby.  They just don't really grow. When she would get out of her cage she would run to me and stand between my feet waiting to be picked up.  In the last few days she's lost a lot of weight.  Those are the ones that touch your heart. Bruce and I were doing our reading today and it had me thinking of many things. Success...  Have I been successful in any of my talents?  It's so funny when I think about it because I only get so far.  I sing, but have never been great at it.  I make things but have never sold a lot of it.  I grow the greenest garden that does not produce much fruit.  I raise amazing chickens and end up with every possible obstacle.  I have built a home that at the moment is beyond what I can care for.  I restored a home with my husband that falls apart faster than we can repair it. And then, of course, I got sick. Th...

It is a beautiful Wednesday morning and it's HOT outside. This glorious Texas weather during the month of August seems to always be hot and dry. Praying for Rain!!!! So... I am in my new chapter.... In this new chapter of my life I've been working with motivational teaching. There are so many videos of speakers who have great ideas for improving the mind. There are so many tools to work with. The coffee I drink has been great with taking away my pain during the day. It gives me energy and focus, so I have the ability to do so much more and a good mood to go with it.  I should call it my magic coffee. Coffe coffee coffee coffee...….COFFEE!!!  (me singing) One thing I read was that you should focus on what you want and you will get more of that. If you focus on what you fear, you will get more of that. I also learned that with all the counseling and work that I've done on myself, my family can take me right back to that old person.  I begin to act automat...

Yesterday Bruce brought in some packages that had been delivered. One was from my cousin and I thought the other was something I had ordered online, until I looked at who it came from.  I realized it was my book.  I was so excited and part of me couldn't believe what I was holding in my hands.  I have dreamed of this for many years.  It felt amazing. When you start a blog and write posts here and there for 10 years, you can't imagine what all it has to say.  Part of you is a little scared to read it.  It's been a really hard 10 years.  I know what I've gone through in that time, but I have no idea how much of it came through to the posts, or as they are now.. pages.  But still...how cool!!! I decided it would be a smart idea to print myself a copy of everything and then read it and see what I had written.  Blogging can be about so many subjects or just someone's feelings or opinions.  Mine was about a journey and what I was learning....

Today is the begging of a new blog set of adventures. Last week I realized that I had been writing for 10 years. That is a really long time. I started this to share my growth.  And then I went through some crazy hard stuff during those 10 years.  So I decided I would have those 10 years of posts printed into a book. It should be interesting.  After I print it I will read it. Hmm... that will be interesting and maybe a little painful. I'm thinking I might go through it and pick the posts that are decent and put together a smaller book to print out to share.  I'm not sure I feel worthy.  But... I can't think that way. We are all imperfect and have a story to tell. I woke up with a lot of pain this morning.  Everything hurt.  It took a while to get out of bed. Move a little here, move a little there and then start some stretching. It scares me when my body hurts that bad.  Some days my knees are bad, some days my hands and wrists hurt...

I just realized that I have 175 published posts on this blog. That is a lot. It has definitely been a journey and a long one. In the time I've been blogging, I have gone through a lot of stuff. I've shared the good the bad and the ugly. I guarantee, if I went back and read some, I would delete them. It would be interesting though.  I would probably cry reading some. Today is a beautiful day.  I have a great mindset for today.  I pray it stays there and doesn't get sucked out by the junk that happens through the day. Bruce and I did some reading in our "Boundaries" book and then did some reading in a book called, "The difference maker".  The two books really compliment each other. One is about creating boundaries in life because so often we don't and it hurts everyone. Creating boundaries is scary because most people don't like being told no, and we are so bad about trying to make everyone happy.  It talks about how damaging it ca...

I was just thinking about how many times I have read about the way the world works now with phones and facebook.  I was thinking about how everyone seems distracted and kids don't know how to communicate and people aren't getting out with friends as often. I think I'm starting to kind of disagree with some of it. I love facebook. I have had years and years of people who have come through my life. I love that I can friend them and see how beautiful their children are and see some of the wonderful things that are happening in their life. Some of my friends on facebook are not close friends but might be someone I knew when I was young and really looked up to.  Or maybe they are a new friend who I have something in common with.  I've changed my way of thinking about social media.  I want to connect with people. I go through my news feed and I see all the pictures and fun things people do.  I don't comment or like everything because there are so many.  B...

Before I even go on to my email and facebook today... I wanted to blog about stuff. I have a rubber band on my wrist.  I put one on this morning and Bruce did also. We have a tendency to allow our attitude to slip into the negative. We've been reading different books out loud and talking about them. One book is on boundaries and the other is about attitude. It's hard to have a good attitude all the time. Especially when the pool falls apart, and the car won't start. So the rubber band is to pop when we find ourselves falling into the negative attitude ditch. It's hard to climb out of that ditch. Sunday was my birthday.  I had a flare starting that day but chose to work on the pool anyway. It didn't work, the pool liner fell back in.  So yesterday was a full blown flare from being out in that heat all day Sunday.  I was not smart. On my birthday I got a gift from My cousin Mary and a black bantam Wyandotte chick from a friend. ………….. Now....

Good Morning... good morning...…  I'm singing that, in case you were wondering. I just had alexa play me a song this morning because I wanted to listen to the words. I'll tell ya about it in a minute. I was at church last night, we serve in the evening service, and during Pastor Ray's message I started tearing up.  The tears just kept falling and I didn't have anything to wipe them away.  My husband is right next to me and he gets so upset for me.  He's so sweet.  He's trying to console me, not knowing why face is dripping.  lol.  There was a part of the pastors message that brought to mind some of the things I've dealt with in the past. If you don't know me well, I have a really sensitive heart.  Too sensitive. Everyone who knows me well knows this. I was just going to say that my brothers don't even know that about me but.... never mind...they do. I'm sure it has annoyed them for years.  Lol. I don't want anyone to be unhappy....

Yesterday I had a meltdown. I haven't had one in a while.  I guess it was time. Our work here depends on having a good internet connection. All of our business depend on it. So we were doing our Friday morning radio show and the stream kept going down. Bruce ended up spending hours on the phone with them... again... Earlier we woke up to find our bank account hacked and someone purchased over $2000 in hockey tickets with it. Then I called my dad, which I try to do each month, and I always cry after our conversation. I don't know what it is.  I don't know why I always cry after talking to him. He doesn't really have anything to do with me.  Maybe I just feel sad about that. I was all excited to start a new business this week.  I found something that made a difference in my life and wanted to share it with others.  So I felt like it was a great idea. No sales so far.  Was I thinking that everyone would magically buy the product from me. I won't ...

Today is a beautiful day! I know it's been a while since I put out a blog post.  Things have been busy and overwhelming. My health was taking a toll on everything. As some of my friends and family know....I have Fibro, thyroid disease, and a list of other things that have created a less than function person.  The loss of my family through divorce and then the loss of my mom created a snowball effect of health issues and the pain I was left with has been what I refer to as "this is not a life".  I started new medication in October of last year and have had a heck of a time trying to get it to work.  It took away the pain but left me sleeping, sick to my stomach or completely exhausted and lightheaded.  I've had to pick and choose the things I was able to do and there was much crying. Bruce has been trying to carry the weight of the home and management of everything while I tried to get my feet under me.  I was not able to leave the house because I n...